Best way of Introducing Sex Toys into Your Relationship

Let’s talk about something a little tricky: introducing sex toys into your relationship. It can feel like a high-stakes conversation, right? You might be worried about your partner’s reaction, or you may not even be sure where to start. But I’m here to tell you that it doesn’t have to be awkward. In fact, when approached with open communication and a playful mindset, it can be an incredible way to deepen your intimacy and have some serious fun.

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Why Sex Toys Can Help Spice Up Your Sex Life

So, you might be thinking, “Why even bother with a toy in the first place?” It’s a fair question. Sex toys aren’t about fixing a problem; they’re about expanding your world of pleasure and connection. Think of it like this: you and your partner probably have a few favorite meals you cook together. They’re great, reliable, and you love them. But every now and then, you try a new recipe to add a little excitement and a new flavor profile. Sex toys are the new recipe for your sex life.

They can introduce an element of novelty and discovery. When you explore a toy together, you’re learning about each other’s bodies in a completely new way. It can unlock new sensations and bring focus to areas that are often overlooked. This shared journey of discovery can be incredibly intimate and a powerful way to bond. It’s a team effort, and you get to support each other in finding new layers of pleasure, which is a big win for your relationship.

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The Conversation: Start with an Open Mind and Open Communication

The first step is always communication. My wife and I’s journey is similar. We spent years building our rapport which you can read about here. It’s the foundation of any healthy relationship, and it’s essential here. When introducing sex toys, don’t just show up with the toy and shout “surprise!” — that’s a surefire way to create awkwardness. Instead, try one of these approaches:

• Explain Your “Why”: Start with a gentle conversation starter like, “I’ve been thinking about how we can add more adventure to our sex life, and I thought a toy could be a fun way to explore new things together.” You can also discuss why you want to introduce sex toys, as this helps your partner understand your motivations.
• Discuss Boundaries: Before you even think about shopping, talk about your boundaries. What are you both comfortable with? It’s important to discuss when to use toys, whether that’s together on a date night or during solo time. Having these conversations upfront will make the experience so much smoother.
• Acknowledge Insecurity: A common fear is that the toy is a replacement. Reassure your partner that the toy is an enhancement to add more pleasure to the experience, not to take away from their role. As one user in a Reddit thread put it, a toy can simply stimulate an area that a penis or dildo can’t do as effectively. If no one has gotten a toy before, start with a toy you both can use.

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Choosing and Shopping for the Right Toy

The world of sex toys can be overwhelming. There are so many options, from wands to rings to vibrators of all shapes and sizes. The goal is to start with something low-pressure and versatile.

• What Kind of Toy? Discuss what kind of toy you both are curious about. Is it a couple’s toy designed for mutual pleasure during intercourse? Check out the Lovense couples toys. Are you more interested in an external vibrator to use during foreplay? A dildo for exploration? Asking these questions first helps you narrow down the options and make sure you’re both on the same page.
• Shop Together: When you are ready, turn it into a fun activity you can do together. You can start online, browsing websites to explore different options and read reviews. Or, if you’re feeling adventurous, check out a local sex-positive store where experts can help answer questions and guide you toward a good first purchase.

A quick but crucial word on safety: Be sure to check what materials the toys are made from. Introducing sex toys for the first time can remain a first time thing if you don’t know what is Body-safe. Body-safe materials like medical-grade silicone, glass, or stainless steel are easy to clean and won’t harbor bacteria, which is essential for your health and safety. For a deeper dive into this topic, check out my post on The Importance of Body-Safe Sex Toys.

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Making it Not Awkward: The Mindset of Introducing Sex Toys to the Bedroom

This is where the magic happens. The key to making it fun and not awkward is to treat it as an adventure.

• Keep It Light: Laugh, make jokes, and don’t be afraid to be a little silly. If something doesn’t feel right, you can say, “Well, that was a bust! Let’s try something else.”
• Explore Together: Take turns. One of you can use the toy on the other. Or you can use it on yourselves while you’re intimate. The goal is to be a team, not a spectator and a performer.
• Don’t Fixate on Orgasm: Focus on pleasure, not just orgasm. The journey is just as important as the destination. Be curious about what feels good, where, and why. Pay attention to each other’s physical cues and responses.
• Start with Foreplay: Introduce the toy during foreplay, when things are already heating up but there’s no pressure to get to a specific point.

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Final Thoughts: Your Journey, Your Rules

Remember, there’s no one “right” way to do this. The goal is to open up a new avenue of pleasure and intimacy in your relationship. Start small, be patient, and always prioritize communication. This isn’t about “fixing” anything or filling a void; it’s about adding another layer of fun to your connection.

If you want to check out some product suggestions, take a look at my recommended products page for a breakdown of great beginner-friendly toys. (COMING SOON)